As a Christian young adult, I’ve seen quite a few mishaps in the realm of dating that have left me wanting to say some things. Well, here they are.

When it comes to romance, men of God have a choice. You can claim the boldness, leadership and initiative that God has given to you as a man and you start the conversation, tell that godly woman how you feel about her, and work to build a godly relationship. Or, you can refuse to be bold, and you can try to beat around the bush and hint at things, hoping she will get the message and start the dating conversation.

Gentlemen, pick the first choice. If you want to truly walk in the boldness of Christ, that means you need to claim it here as well. If the girl you are interested in truly loves the Lord and is chasing him, and if you think that you guys will work well in a partnership, pursue her. One of the weakest things you can do is try to set the scene so that the woman has to do the work. Take initiative-the worst thing she can do is say no, and if she loves the Lord, she will do it as kindly as possible.

Ladies, STOP it. I’m speaking to myself here too. Because we have so many men in the Church who just have not learned to truly walk in this boldness, we tend to try and do the work. If you are the one pursuing the guy in the beginning of the relationship, roles will not magically change any later on; you will be the one taking initiative for the duration of the relationship.

God has created us as women to receive, to follow, and to be taken care of. Now, I am absolutely not saying that he hasn’t created women with boldness and initiative, I am just saying that he has created men and women to uniquely carry out those roles, and it looks so different in each gender. Focus on the Lord, and let a guy pursue you. It is an awesome example of how Jesus pursues us.

On a final note, many of you claim that you are waiting to hear the will of God on this subject. Prayer is amazing, and you definitely need to pray over any relationship before you take steps in it. However, believe it or not, there is not a magical chapter of the Bible that has the name of your future spouse listed for you, and God will not show you a picture of that person. There is no such thing as ‘the One’; if they love Jesus and you work well together, pushing each other toward God and helping each other through life, they can be the one for you. Love Jesus and others, trust God, follow his Word, make his name known, and you will be in the will of God. If you are striving after God and following his will on these things, you will be in a pretty good place to realize who would be an awesome and godly match for yourself.

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