You know how sometimes, you never really appreciate something until it’s either gone or you can’t go about that thing normally? It has become evident to me that God knows that’s the only way to get me to appreciate things.
I currently have a brain injury. The less dramatic word would be a ‘concussion’. It’s my third one, and I think that I may need to start wearing a helmet constantly.
Never before have I had such a struggle trying to recover from a concussion. I’m tired, my head hurts, I am just a little bit disoriented, and I have zero focus. Oh, and reading and writing makes me kind of nauseous. Good luck getting that picture out of your head.
I promise I’m not trying to complain or draw attention. This story is about how God, once again, has reminded me of the value of something I so frequently set aside: His Word.
In my head, I know that the Bible has great value. I mean, not only do we get to freely converse with the Creator of the Universe, but we get to read his words in written form as well! That’s amazing! Therefore, even on the best or the worst days, the days I don’t want to or can’t wait to start, I try to pick up my Bible and dig in.
Yet, sometimes, this is just done out of my legalism and not my actual love for God.
Some days, I pick up my Bible and study it as if it holds the answers for life…because it does. Some days, I pick it up, and scan through it, jot a few verses and thoughts down, and walk away, quickly forgetting what I read. I wish I only did the first, but I’d be lying if I tried to pretend that was the case.
Remember when I mentioned that I think God sometimes makes me unable to do things like I normally would so that I can appreciate them? And how I mentioned that this concussion makes me 100% unfocused? Those two things have definitely collided to remind me the value of digging into Scripture.
This week, I’ve DESPERATELY wanted to sit down with my Bible and go over the pages, learning things, questioning myself, and growing closer to my Lord and Savior. Realistically, what I’ve done is reread the same paragraphs over and over while trying to ignore the fact that reading is making me dizzy and nauseous. Big difference.
Someday (hopefully), I’ll be perfectly healed, reading won’t make me sick to my stomach, and I’ll be able to focus and dig into the Word of God once more. For right now though, each time I have to reread a section and bring my focus back in once again, I’ll let it serve as a reminder that my goal each and every day should be to sit with my Bible and dig in, not simply read it out of ritualistic habit. So many around the world don’t have access to the words of God in written form. Therefore, since I have the ability to read these same words in so many different formats, I’m going to remind myself that I should be seeking to grow and learn, not just read to read.