If ever I dare to mention a guy I think I may be interested in, or someone who I suspect is interested in me, usually, the first thing out of the vast majority’s mouth is:

“Is he hot?”

Is. He. Hot?

Really? THAT’S the question we want to lead with?

Don’t get me wrong, I am not one of those disillusioned people who think you’re some sort of monster if you don’t love someone you’re not attracted to (looking at you, Lena Dunham). It’s important that you find the person you’re going to date and marry physically attractive. After all, that is one of the things that sets a significant other apart from a great friend.

Yet, when we lead with questions like, “Is he/she hot?” we start from the wrong premise right away.

We should be leading with questions like, “Do they love Jesus?” “Are they kind?” “Can they make you smile?” “What are their future plans?” “What are their hobbies?”

When we’re interested in someone or when a friend is interested in someone, we need to start asking questions that dive into the substance of their character, not evaluate their looks. It doesn’t matter if that guy’s ‘hot’ if he isn’t chasing after Christ. It doesn’t matter if that girl’s ‘hot’ if she’s a jerk to people around her.

People are more than surface level, and we need to realize that right from the start. Attraction that starts based on looks is going to fade; attraction that is based on character and spirituality is worth investing in. There’s nothing wrong with being physically attracted to someone-in fact, that’s great. Let’s just stop making that the main thing and the point of focus.

Oh, and while we’re at it, can we find a word to use that isn’t ‘hot’? They’re people, not a temperature.

(PC: Green Wedding Shoes)

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